C h e c k l i s t

Check to the end...

          ☑ Chemotherapy
          ☑ Surgery
          ☑ Radiation
          Maintenance Therapy
                     ☑  Herceptin
                     ☐  Anti-Hormonal Treatment

December 27, 2011

Feeling Festive!



I am spending the holidays with wonderful friends and family and feeling lucky to be happy and NED (no evidence of disease)! I wish for good health and good times for all my loves!
Two years ago I got my lump checked for the first time around the holidays and I feel that I have come such a long way from that dreadful winter. 
It will be two years on January 13th since I was diagnosed and all I can say today is "what does not kill you, makes you stronger"! I am amazed by my inner strength and I feel it comes from all of you who care about me so much!
I worried many of you by my last two posts and that was not my intention. It is easy to go to a dark place but it is more important to come out of it. I use exercise to help me come out. I have started running and I am loving it. It helps me trim my mind and body. I must confess by running I mean I run a quarter mile and walk half a mile and then run a quarter and walk another half. It is no big feat but it is definitely a start!
2011 has been a good year even with a long 10 hour surgery and excruciating expansion process. It has also been a year to come to terms with all that is new in our lives and our 'normal'.  Survivorship co-survivorship is hard but we are making strides every day.
Peace Love and Joy
Bela

December 15, 2011

Top 10 Depressors in my life

1. There is a possibility that I might not live long
2. I may never get to travel the world
3. I may never achieve anything, ANYTHING
4. I make very little money today compared to the year 2009. Just got my bonus check and it is nothing like what I used to get.
5. I am fat. There is no sugar coating it. There are rolls of fat on my body.
6. I will never have the energy, the spirit, the enthusisam that I had.
7. I may never get my hair back. My real hair not the chemo curls. I hate em.
8. I will die before I get a mid-life crisis car. Mine is a blue convertible mini cooper.
9. I am going to turn 35 in 2012. Just 5 years away from 40. I know many of you feel I should be happy to be alive, period.
10. I may not have another child.

I need something to lift me up today. For sure.

I should probably go for a run and then plan my next big vacay.

Just sayin...

B

December 9, 2011

Insure my rack for me please?

I was flipping through October's People magazine in the gym yesterday and saw that there was this little snippet about celebritties insuring their bodily assets and there were two ditsy titsy women who have insured their breasts for a hefty amount. Seriously? You can insure those? And what does that mean? If they change physically (naturally) or get sucked down by gravity, you will be paid for it? I do not wish ill on these two ditsy titsies, but what if you had to surgically remove them to save your life? What then?

Stupid celebrities feeding their stupid egos.

My foobs are not being nice to me right now. I am in no mood to insure them. I cannot wait to get these hard  rocks like expanders out and have some soft silicone squishes in. This will happen after 3 months of stretching, clock starting now as I am finally done with filling those with saline! My PS said "we have to make sure that the skin forgets that it can act like a rubber band and snap back". He also says things like "you are expanding well, and the skin looks stretched and shiny". Stuff you will hear only in my shoes.

Everyday I sit uncomfortably and lay on the bed in the most awkward way at night and there is zero comfort in sleeping these days, but it is worse when incidents like the one I am about to tell you happen:
 I went to the store to buy a dress for the holiday party and got badly stuck in a dress in the fitting room. My arm, yes the one that has been hurting more than the surgical site(s) since the surgery, was stretched up pointing at the bright light bulb and the other arm trying to get the damn dress to move away from the hard rocks on my chest! I spent close to 20 minutes contemplating whether to call the store assistant and let her witness my freak show with my freaky scarred chest bumps or to tear the dress off me. Finally after minutes of deep breathing and calming myself down, I just gave it one last push amidst tears and got it out without ripping it! I thought to myself  that the dress deserves someone with nice soft natural breasts, not a freak like me!

Now you know why the stupid tabloid article got under my skin. Do you really have any insurance in life? Then why insure breasts?? And please tell me what it entails? Didnt J Lo's backside grow when she carried her twins? Did her insurance cover the trauma caused to society for looking at her fat ass during that time?

On that note, Happy Holidays!

XO,

Got knotted in a dress and got out of it without tearing it Bela.