C h e c k l i s t

Check to the end...

          ☑ Chemotherapy
          ☑ Surgery
          ☑ Radiation
          Maintenance Therapy
                     ☑  Herceptin
                     ☐  Anti-Hormonal Treatment

October 27, 2010

Pink ribboned out in Pinktober!

So I am sure all of you know October is breast cancer awareness month. NFL players, actors, store clerks, and general public are sporting the pink ribbon.

I know some survivors who are totally put off by the show but I am pretty neutral and somewhat appreciative.

Here is my brush with being pink ribboned yet again...

Store clerk: Your total is $75.29 would you like to donate anything to the American Cancer Society? It is breast cancer awareness month.
Bela: No, thanks.
Store clerk: Not even a dollar?
Bela: No, thanks.
Bela thinking to herself: "I have given enough to Breast Cancer monetarily and non-monetarily and I am still not at the point to make donations. Not even a dollar!"
I want to give back at some point in the capacity of a philantrophist, volunteer, peer supporter, but today I just dont want to be reminded by the store clerk about Pinktober.

October 25, 2010

A state of mind called----

Happiness.Mostly things that make me unhappy are out of my control like having cancer. But I was never an extremely happy go lucky child or grown up. I was always a bit of a brooder and sulker. Being happy is also about making an effort to be happy. I stopped sulking about losing 9 months to cancer treatment some time back. My YSC *sister's* sudden passing kicked me in the rear yet again and I thought to myself that I really dont know how long I am going to live or be healthy (read NED), but I know that I can either be miserable waiting for the worst to happen or live in the moment and make the most of it. Zen. It is a learning process and I am an eager student.

My newest challenge are clothes. I never lost all the baby weight, gained some on chemo, have extremely short hair, and just a very different body now. So it is a brand new canvas that I am working with.

Today I am winterizing my wardrobe we used to call it flipping a few years back before we bought our house. Sweaters and jackets are being taken out of boxes in the guest closet and tanks and shorts being kept away. However, I have several items of clothing that I just cannot wear anymore. So should I throw it away or keep them for when I will get my bod back? I was never a sexy dresser. Always a bit grunge (cargo pants, cords, hoodies, scarves) and a bit conservative (no strappy deep V necks please), but I still have stuff that shows a bit more chest than I would like now.
Plus what do I do with my wig, hats, scarves, several PJs, and button down home clothes that I wore when I was sick??? Should I have "in case it comes back" box and store it in the garage? or toss it? Am I being too cheeky and overconfident by throwing my cancer accessories out? I am just superstitious about throwing out my precription meds too. Am I obsessing too much over small stuff?

A third of my wardrobe is functional. But the silver lining is that I like that third. I have a stack of pants that are my pre-pregger pants and those are staying in my wardrobe cuz this fat ass is going to lose some chub!



October 12, 2010

Life is a mixed bag

I just got back from a great trip to NY. Yes, I did.

A couple of weeks back, two of my fav peeps Sonal and Quita visited us in North Carolina. We had a great time together. We were reliving our summer of 1998 all over again, just with a bit more class and with 2 tots around. Vikram made some kickass leg of the lamb and crab curry and Dinar made awesome wholesome breakfasts.

I felt like my oldself after a long time when I would just hang out and chill and talk about hair and clothes with my cousins. We would laugh and gossip and just basically chill. So I decided to just go back to NY and hang out some more with my peeps. It was the first time I traveled with my munchkin alone and in a plane. My little boy is a wonder child. He ate well, slept well, and played well (hmm well he was a lil bully to other munchkins but I think he was just marking his territory). All in all a great trip.

I come back home and get devastating news. My YSC sister Jody passed away. I was not devastated because it made me aware yet again about my mortality, but because she was all of 33 years young. She had so much to see, so much life to live.  I remember meeting her way back in May when I met some YSC girls. I was in the middle of  my chemo and had my shiny bald head, puffy face and bloated arms and legs. Across the table from me, sat  red head Jody in a cute pixie do. She looked relaxed, was smiling a lot, ordered crab cake omelette, and some coffee.  I remember thinking that I wanted to be in her shoes one day.  She talked about getting foobs soon (fake boobs) and we all just talked about fun stuff that BC brings in your life. It was a good first meeting. I kept in touch with her but I got busy with my treatment and didn't meet her again. I will never forget what she was wearing that day, her smile, and her cute red hair. I love you Jody. I will see you someday again. For now get some rest. The last couple of weeks have been rough for you.

While in NY, my uncles and aunts took me to the temple and I prayed hard, so hard that I had tears streaming down my cheeks. Some prayers get answered, some do not. However, it does not falter my faith in the supreme power.  Today, I have decided to stop crying, pick myself up, jump in the shower, and go to a coffee shop and have a hot cappuccino and a brownie. I do this today for you Jody. I smile today for you dear.